Dragons haven’t been this cool since Jane Yolen’s Dragon’s Blood. Queue gritty voiceover. “It began as a LEGEND!” … a whole bunch of mindless adjectives… “will turn our world into a BATTLEFIELD!” The timeless threat? Dragons. That’s right, some ancient Korean legend manages to rip a hole in the fabric of space to dump an ugly sea of flying, slithering, stomping reptiles into present day Los Angeles. Apparently there’s a whole story about a young woman who must sacrifice herself to one of the dragons in order to satiate destiny and allow it to ascend to heaven with a full stomach. In actuality, as you can plainly see in the trailer, it’s about attack choppers and tanks trying to fend off a magically undead dragon army. (They’re not actually undead, but it certainly sounds better.) D-War has amassed a paltry $5 million. If you hurry, you may still be able to catch it in theaters.

So my compatriot in crime, Scott, wants to wait to officially launch this thing until we have a bunch of content to push live. To that I say POPPYCOCK. It’s a blog. Unedited rambling HO!

To commemorate, uh, fall cleaning, I’ve cast about for a new site design that separates it from the Chronological Liar empire. Also, I had to make a really crappy banner — dewy leaves just don’t cut it. So that will change…once I get around to it.

Scott and Mary Jane love bad movies. They routinely subject themselves to the very dregs of cinema — movies so terrible that even the 300 would flee in terror. It brings joy, bright rays of sunshine, rainbows, ponies and daffodils into their lives. Cinema Abattoir is an expression of their love. And they know you love bad movies too. So they’ll soon start keeping track of releases and reviewing their weekly picks.

Yes. There will be lots of Milla Jovovich.